what about the city
where traffic is like jam on your bread
where Pb is like daily detergent to your lung
where flood is deluging tide
where emission is like cigars to smoke addict
where sun beam hardly contact the ground
where sun rays diffused by pitching black clouds
where glowing city light hid stars behind
where noice cancelling headsets assuage the surrounding trafic clamor

what about the city
like an affair. not for good but can’t let go
like drug. addictive. but still no good.
like gold cage. stuck in glimmering light.

where all, I mean A L L , make sense.

the traffic jam, the pollution,
the flood, the pollution again, the noise,
all, now makes.... sense.

#$#@!!

Sense...never recall such sense...or have i became senseless...as make sense as it sense.

Oh how I can’t keep bragging...It’s just that we don’t really have choice, do we. What’s with the centralization. Construction, public ones on busway, monorail, flood gateway,

what about them?
if they’re not making traffic cramped up, it would surely make a city more worth to live in, wouldn’t they?

*been now almost a year living in this dreadful city i cannot escape from....

2008

It's not even January.
It's not even the beginning of February.
Have I missed it? Has it been stale?

Awh.

What's with the ultimate count down on 31st Dec?
What makes it different on 12.59.59 that nite with 00.00.01 the next morning?

It's supposed to be mere continuum,

But still, a sense of erase and rewind is what's commonly felt.

the alteration of the year usually become the time when we wrap what we already had at that time,

Start to open a new wrapping sheet,
Design what kinda gift we would want to wrap up in the end of the next termine, the next new year

starting all over again.
Making up our mistakes---well for this one, you'd do it later after life, though. hahhehe

No. It's not erase and rewind. it's erase and forward. It charges new spirit into you.

It was supposed to be the moment when you can stop, asks yourself 'Am I happy?'. Answer,'yes!' and move on. Hahhaa. it's that brief happiness is, as always--doesn't it?. But always worth reminiscing.

Me?


Neah, I'm not into those things. I mean planning. hahahaa....Resolution would usually be re-solution for the next round...I never plan my life for a whole one year, Hahha! beat it for those who encourage me to build a 3 years vision and mission. :p I can't make my plan for a year, and you want me to make 3 or 5 or 10 years ?!! You're not getting it! I just can't seem to be able to do it. Not that I don't want to achieve something, the light in the end of the road is somewhat imminent, I know what I'm doing and for what means do I do what I do, now. I know that everyday's a lesson should reflect on yesterday's mistakes and turns downs. I know what I build today is for tomorrow. So do it just right and on my max, coz you can't turn back time. But that's it. As continuum as time can be, I only have past and present. Where my present is better than my past--My future will then lead. Hopefully.





That was about making plan--which I do zilch. nada. BUt on the minutes change of the year, I'd like it to be memorable. Hee hee

• This year 2008 I was fortunate to have it somewhat great. Awaiting countdown in Asakusa, Tokyo.
• Last Year, It was truly pathetic, spent the change of the year 2007 in my laboratory, Alone doing my final assignment.crash and burn!!
• The Year before that, the change to 2006 was also helluva fun. I was on 4 day Ujung Kulon trekking trip, on a grassy field viewing the beach, though alas, on the very minute of 00.00.00, it was raining heavily. So....So long the count down.
• Changing to 2005...it was that party in LFM.
• Changing to 2004...err it's getting harder....awI forgot. !!! Oh my. so far is my memory. I can't remember which occasion is when.

I am already sleepy. Betta go to bed now. Hm, One thing for sure. Over the year, my persona has evolved tremendously. Thanks to people surrounds me to whom I respect, love and always learn from. You guys and girls have been inspiration to me..Please stay so. I'm not planning on stop changing--for better me. *hugs everybodaeeeiiii* ..... ^^V OK ok. I'm getting delirious. Bye for now.

5.50am
Jakarta's skyscraper's calling me
Underneath the Dusk blu-ish jakarta skies
Blue? Blu-greyish par exact. I can see it's toned to grey on the horizon.
Hm.... No morning venus I see.
The grey. Saturated Pollution.

Birds chirping outside!!

*sigh*....pity for the creature's tiny lungs...

Flex. flex. flex. good for your back...
Fridge.Warm.Cook.Iron.TV-On..
O-clip.Oceanus Bath...
Mix&Match. bad idea. bad idea. bad mix. bad match.
Hmmhh...

6.30am
I left the water dripping from the array of my soaked cleansed cloathes yesterday nite.
Just in matter of few hours. Now they're almost dry.
Anything would be rotten dry in this room.
So would me.

Creme, et la creme, et la creme... layer after layer.
Puff Puff, et voila!

Enjoy my own dish. not to forget, doing it.

Clinging dishes, same ol' reshuffled playlist n 0-clip. same ol' same ol'
Just like yesterday. all over again.

7.15am
Pair of twins (^_^....humm..so tutteeee...) --entering the elevator, along with their nannies.
Your parents gone yet, hunnies?...*sigh..
Today's kiddos, squishing little space outta this overly crowded world...the best they can...

Out.
Deep breath...
Sucking out toxic out of Jakarta skies.
Later. Later I'd cleanse out my lungs...
But now, I Gotta try harder fulfilling my oxygen req.
Ain't much is left outta your surrounding, brit
Deep breath...Sssshhhh.....
Sucking it even more.

Hufff...
Later would be forever.

Same ol' routines.Ojeg. 44.

8.00am
Outlook. Calendar.
Red Label for N. Orange for D. Blue for F.
SkyBlue for H. Green for M..Cute Cute calendar.
N,D,F,H,M. My bosses.
Getting this done. that done. Huff.
Dash off to the boss first. Hm. N,D,F,H or M first?

***

A Stack of binder widely opened in my opposite.
"Direct Debit..."..."THe Costumer....clearing zone"
Trying to re-figure it all out in a process flow diagram,
scribbled down on my lap. jotting here and there.
dozens of excel sheets on the queue
slides per slides sliding
so incessantly

10.00am.
Grab some milo...perfect boast of energy in the morning.
sugar! sugar! I need sugar!

11.50am
pick some buddies to out lunch...
8th fl? Warung Senggol?
Plaza Indonesia? %$##@!!


1.30pm
Same ol' excel sheets
Same ol' presentation slides...
trends...compare...analyse...
regress. digest. deteste.

People chattering from the distance...
faintly.

tick tick

tick

tickticktick.

schwoop schwoop

schwoop....and the mouse go

Have you ever just sit, or drive, or walk aimlessly,
no pretense, without rushing anything into your head...,
or even anything outta your head...

to be just the way all senses are supposed to be.
just to s e e, to h e a r, and to f e e l...
...and to s m i l e...as your heart pleases...
...or disgusted...as your soul despise
...or to be stunned in awe...
...or...just..., ehm, .....nothing...

Well, of course you have.

Or else, you'd be a maniacly depressed...
... for not ever letting your senses breathes once and a while...

No, No, Of course you're not. Well, at least for those without melancholic personality would find it a bit harder...hehe...

Well i'm not. even little things can make me smile. and shrud for a while. People may say I'm weird for paying too much attention to such nifty things...so would they think. Hmm...

Like I stop walking and just stand when the leaves fall from their twigs...

Like I slow down my speed when I see bursts of sun rays shimmers in a morning haze...

Like I always take glance to the vast green football field on my morning jog..wishing to just open my running shoes, run above it and just make both of my feet wet of morning dew...

Like when I run in the morning, I look up upon the sky, to see whether Venus is still peeking from space out there...

Like I shruds seeing two old couples hand in hand...

Like I love seeing the reflection of traffic and car lights on wet asphalt in a cloudy after-rain-noon...

Like how I could see kiddos from the street shivers behind my hazy windshield, with the red traffic light in the background...stunned. feel empty.confused.

Like how I love to lay down during all night walk in the jungle, flexed my back and see the stars above...

Like how I miss each full moon .... and if i get lucky, with the halo surrounds it.

Like when I'm in high places, I imagine I jumped, rolled twice and fall like an acrobatic, paranoia, I know. I even see my body down there laying. in a very awkward position.

Like how I could stand strenous exercise, to have my muscles all cramped up. Just to 'feel' that all are still intact. From head to toes and each finger tips.

Like I jolted happily finding two twigs of mushrooms growing in a vast clover prairie by the seaside.

Like I love to see plastic bag swirled by the wind caressing it...and just never hit the ground.

Like I'm happy just to smile to a stranger, and to see their smiling face back at me.

Like I dear to see birds flying in V-shaped formation...not over my head, please, though.

Like I hate to see those kinda watch which slides incessantly. Not giving me any time just to stay and feel.

Like I love to see children playing, without any burden whatsoever, smiles tugging on their innocent cute faces. So free.. hehehe...can I play too?

Hhh...At these times, how much I wished I have my camera around, then I'd grab and capture the moment, the super brief persecond. Coz I know, my scattered brain wouldn't archive it better than my camera.

I know it's so cliche...but It's NOT making anybody a lunatic, ain't it? --well of course there's boundaries...hehe--And anyway, everybody needs some quality idle time, don't they!

So, Relax.

Just sit, stay, still, or just slow down your pace and . . . . f e e l . . . .

***

*ey, the list might grow...so come back later...

we live only once on this bee-uu-teee-fyyuuuulll world. =D

If I have to answer "What were you doing in 2006" in only a word :

pict : (tak lagi) bimbingan. Mr.T.Y the perpeksionista tutor, joQ and I @ Black Canyon Coffee, Parijs van Java

Will miss these times. Have already feel lost of what I felt such bloody 'a pain in the a**' final assignment.